is it really possible to suffer well?
let’s talk about it.
Having a broken body for 12 years has led me to notice some things about the way we humans (myself included) tend to respond to suffering.
First of all, we are terrible at it. Slap on a smile and throw on some Netflix, right? It’ll go away eventually. The pain will lift. The grief will pass. The difficult situation will resolve. –> my primary response to the first couple years I was In pain.
But what if our pain doesn’t go away? What if the situation doesn’t resolve? And if distraction’s not an option, how do we cope?
Here’s what I’ve found: we turn towards it. We wade in. While making the choice to believe that beautiful things can still be born of really, really, really hard things. That we can still beautiful in the midst of hard things, and somehow God can truly be glorified.
this is what this space is founded on. this is what it means to keep choosing grit.
Values / Beliefs
- Evil is never good.
- Not everything “happens for a reason”
- Suffering does not take away our ability to give and receive love
- Suffering does not take away our ability to be in relationships with others (though it may look different)
- Suffering does not take away our ability to be in relationship with Jesus
- Wrestling with God is healthy
*Carrie is Catholic, and believes the Catholic view of suffering to be the most life giving and meaningful. Carrie also loves seeing non Catholic clients.
My take on trauma at the root of chronic pain and many chronic illnesses:
trauma is any event or circumstance, or even conversation, that threatens our sense of safety and security & often leads to a change in how we see ourselves + the world
when these events happen, they have the power to alter brain chemistry in the form of activating our fight or flight
when we do not have the supports in place (emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc.) to return to a sense of safety & security after these things happen, and/or this happens repeatedly, there will be parts of ourselves that remain stuck in this place until having an experience that tells them otherwise.
this experience, along with any and all unexpressed emotions from these times can alter our physical health and cause chronic symptoms.
High expectations of ourselves, pressure, and stress in general can also increases physical pain.
It is always worth it to do the work towards being at peace with our stories and all that has happened to us. This often looks like: caring for broken and wounded parts of ourselves that may still be stuck in memories and need to be reminded they are safe, expressing unexpressed emotions, and letting all parts of ourselves be loved. This will inevitably increase our grit, a long with our purpose, joy, and connection.
However, experiencing emotional healing and developing a healthy relationship with our whole story, does not always heal physical pain and/or other chronic illnesses.
Our healing journeys are a lifelong process and there are many pieces to the puzzle. Healing also takes time.
While things are unhealed, we can be an example of courage, resolve, and strength of character (ie; grit) and finding our identity outside of our achievements in the meantime. We can discover that our weaknesses are actually a treasure and owning them are actually the true way to discover our humanity.
therapy approaches in alignment with the I Choose Grit approach:
- Internal Family Systems ***love it!
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
- Aspects of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy
“We are called to be fruitful – not successful, not productive, not accomplished. Success comes from strength, stress, and human effort. Fruitfulness comes from vulnerability and the admission of our own weakness.”
Henri Nouwen